He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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