My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
