oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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