why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
