Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
