Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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