the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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