no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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