why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize