I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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