You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
