cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
