I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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