I got chris browned last night
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
