How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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