Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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