Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
