Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
