Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
