Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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