Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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