My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I could make wine with my vomit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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