Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
