End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
