He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
