I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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