I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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