there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
