It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
