what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
