I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
