There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
