Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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