fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
