The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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