Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
