I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
