Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
