The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
