you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
