I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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