Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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