Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
