If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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