GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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