thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
