Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
