I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
