I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
