somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
