Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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