I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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