Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
