There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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