Just fell off a train. Bad.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Please don't give away my fajitas
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