I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you told grandpa to call you daddy
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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