They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
