Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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