I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
