Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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