the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
