Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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