now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
