we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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