You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
