Do you still have your period?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
