is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
