i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
