I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
