Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
