May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
