Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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