I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
