I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
