Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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