Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
