I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
