she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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