I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
