no, he came in my armpit
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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