You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
