Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
