We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
