Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
