I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
