Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
