just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
